I’m totally going to get a tattoo. Really.
I said this once to a friend once who quickly rolled their eyes. I was then told that there are three types of people, ones who will never get inked, ones who are addicted to getting tattoos, and ones like me who keep saying that someday they’ll get ink done.
I guess in life everyone has their perpetual to-do list. The list of things we procrastinate about. Mine is a long list that begins with getting a tattoo, stutters around having a torrid affair with an Aspen ski instructor named Luke, whitening my teeth, volunteering at Denver’s GLBT Center, and flashing my dick on that London Eye Millennium Wheel. You know, stuff you would totally do if you just didn’t have to wait for the dishwasher repair technician, or have dinner with one of your less popular relatives.
When the day comes…really sometime soon… I’ll make the appointment and get that tattoo I speak of. I even know what I want, it’s not like I’d spend hours flipping through the photo catalogs just to say “yeah, I want a barbed-wire arm band, but make it unique. Something that represents my soul.” Or maybe some Chinese characters that some said means “Hope” but looks like Combo #2 Beef with Broccoli. Unless I could get 健怡可樂 on my forearm, that would make ordering at my favorite restaurants so much easier.
So, since most people who get tattoos do it just to show off that they’re all deep thinking persons of the universe I guess I’ll do just that. The unutterable name of G-d.
Having to read a lot about the big bearded guy upstairs I kept finding mentions to the power in writing his name in permanent form. The Hebrew translation cannot be written in any permanent form, it is forbidden unless strict rules are to be followed. Thus, it must not be destroyed nor altered but hallowed. Even though it’s acceptable to white the name on a computer, as it is considered non-permanent I hold the concept with so much respect I’d rather link to the page with the name on it. Although when I do finally get around to getting my tattoo there will be a lot of explaining to do during that part of the night out at the bar when guys start comparing ink.
“What is it?” The random guy screams over blaring Beyoncé.
“It’s the Unutterable name of God” I’ll scream.
“Udders of God? If you can’t say it how’d ya tell the guy to ink it?”
Since I’ll get this on my external oblique or Apollo’s belt I slowly lower my shirt. “It’s Hebrew for I think I’m all deep!”